I'm getting better!

I have decided that my mood will affect how my body works, and I want my body to be in good working order.....so off with the bad mood it is! I am beginning to be positive and just know that this will work, I just have to be patient. I can do that. It also means that I have to save up some more money. We need to be able to save up a little dough to pay for the IUI's and not put things on credit. If we don't get to do every month, then we don't get to do every month. I'm ok with that. I love my husband, who better love me back, and that is all that matters. Sometimes I have to remind him to love me, but I think that is typical. Funny thing is, when he gets mad at me I ask him what it is he is supposed to be thinking and out will come "I LOVE MY WIFE! I LOVE MY WIFE!" Then we both laugh and all is better. It is funny how life works. When we started dating I didn't think that we would ever get married. For heaven's sake I was 14 and he was 16.....who would have known. It blows my mind, when all he has to do is look at me and I get butterflies in my stomach. He can calm me with just a wink. There for awhile, in our early 20's we were apart more than we were together, and I didn't think that we would ever make it back together. Now I can't get rid of him....just kidding. I'm very happy that he is apart of my life and I wouldn't trade that for anything. I need to focus on my realtionship with him so I can keep the positive momentum going and not dwell on the what if's and why me's! February starts the journey on to IUI #8!

The old hag came yesterday!

I can't believe it. Nothing like eatting crow. I thought for sure I was pregnant. I had done everything right, and was all cleaned out and ready to go. I guess it wasn't my time. I wish that I could look ahead 2 years and see where I would be. February marks the 2 year mark for Ryan and I on our baby journey. I didn't think I would still be in the ttc process. I have been told that I will get there someday. Is that supposed to help calm my nerves, that someday I will get there? I just wish I knew which day and where I would be. I am back to my crummy attitude and can't shake the why me's again. This just sucks! I don't know what to say and I don't know what to do. We decided to take this cycle off and pick up again next cycle, God willing. My husband, who I love and adore, refuses to spend anymore money right now. He doesn't think that my clock is ticking and that we are getting old. Little does he know, but someday I will run out of eggs and then it will be too late. Then what? I'm glad that we don't both feel the rush to get pregnant. That wouldn't be good, but it wouldn't kill him to show me a little compassion when he knows I'm at my worst. I guess he just expects that I will work things out in my own head and not need to work things through out loud. That gets old.....I can only do so much on my own. I'm such a downer these days that I don't even want to spend time with myself, so how in the world would I expect him to spend time with me either? I was really hoping that these days would be behind me and that I could move on to bigger and better things, but I guess there are different plans for me. Instead I'm being punished or tortured for something....or at least that is what it feels like. To top it all off, I have 5 baby gifts to buy. Nothing like adding fuel to the fire, huh!

I believe!

I believe that something is going on. I have had the cramps for 2 days now, off and on. Today after my lunch I am feeling a little sick to my stomach. I'm not sure if that is from the worrying about am I or aren't I, or just because I'm preggers. They say that with multiples the symptoms come on faster.....boy was I a prime candidate for multiples. 7 eggs......let's just hope that there isn't any more than 3 in there. Other wise I will be the stay at home mom I wanted to be and we will have no money. I will take what I am given, though and won't complain about it one bit. I am blessed to have my health, Ryan's health and the love and support of my family. I couldn't ask for anything more.....my cup runneth over.

If I do get my BFP, I don't think that I will be posting on here. My family reads this blog and I want to tell people face to face, not have them read it. I'll come up with another way to get our news out there. There has been an outbreak of BFP's on the board and I hope to keep the trend up. Like my earlier posts said "Welcom to the year of the baby!"

Weird crampiness today.

I'm not sure what the heck is going on. I just know that I feel like af is coming at any moment, and then it stops. It isn't all the time. This is not normal for me. I don't feel her come, I just go to the bathroom and there she is. I hate that about me and that I spot for 2 days before hand. I'm not spotting yet and am not due, by my calculations for another 8 days. I'm 8dpiui so it could be implantation pains I'm feeling. I had this once before, after IUI #5. I actually felt like af was coming and then she didn't. I tested and got a BFP only to miscarry that next week. I knew I was preggers for almost a week, and then it was gone. I don't want to go through that again. I'm holding off on testing for a few more days. I think that the hcg has to build up in my body before the test will come back positive....unless there is multiples in there. Then I will get a positive pregnancy test almost immediately. Who knows....there were 7 good eggs. We'll just have to wait and see what happens. I'm better at the waiting game now I have to say. I turned over a new leaf. Last night I told Ryan to caress my baby bump. He didn't even say anything to me, just put his hand on my belly and fell asleep. I so want this to happen for us. 2 years and 7 iui's is enough. We shouldn't have to go through anymore then what we have gone through. I don't want to do shots again next month, they are sooooooo expensive, and we can't afford much more.

Life is so silly and I laugh when I think about how I react to things. I was shopping for baby gifts, I only have 4 to buy, and saw the crib I like is on clearance at Target. I didn't even look twice at it, I just kept moving. My mom and I had just left the doctor's office, talking about what if all 7 take, and then we go to Target and the crib is on clearance. The cribs are nice nowadays. They make into beds and stuff. I'm really impressed.

As soon as I test I promise to post.....well maybe not. I want to tell people in my own way, not via the net.

I just love Fridays!

I am over my cranky, snotty mood and am back to being loveable me! I have done a lot of thinking about yesterday's post and although I don't think I would react any differently I am a bit embarrassed by my actions. I didn't need to act like that. Who do I think I am, judging people and saying things about others when I have no business doing that. I have learned my lesson and will try not to do that anymore. I can guarentee I won't be sending a baby gift, but will send a "I'm so happy for you email" instead.

I am feeling so great about this cycle. I still have the feeling that I'm going to have triplets, but I have to hope that at least one of those little buggers is going to stick. After all there were 7, and 1 at least has to take. I don't know what I will do if that doesn't happen. I will have to suck it up, and move on. The shots will start again and we will do number 8, 9 and 10 if that is what it takes. I'm not going to give up. That is my new attitude this month. I will be a mom someday and I will get preggers. I found a new sense of hope this year. Ryan is great and keeps telling me the same thing. I will be going in to have my u/s in February just wondering how many beans will be there. Our baby will be due in October, which is a good month and just in time for tax season. God does October seem so very far off. I'm sure that it will be a blur though.

I'm getting ready for the weekend, mentally. I have a few more hours to go until the official start of the weekend. I need to just chill this weekend and have some Amy time. Ryan and I are going to a high school basketball game tonight and then a college game tomorrow. That should be a fun time. I'm really not much into basketball, but a girl has to do what a girl has to do.

Still feeling great!

I have to say I have never felt this great in all my life. I am keeping my attitude up and feeling wonderful about my upcoming beta test. I have wanted this for so long and now that it is coming, I am beyond geeked! I just found out my cousin is preggers and due in February. For some reason my family felt they needed to hide this and shelter me from it. I'm not sure why. I happy for her and I hope that she has a smooth labor and the baby is healthy and fine. Ok......so I maybe full of it a little bit. She got married before me, which ended in divorce and then moved out to New Mexico and got married a second time just weeks before me. She liked to rub it in my face that she married before me when we were growing up. It didnt matter though, I knew that my first husband would be my only husband and that matters more than anything else.......I found someone to grow old with. Granted we only dated for 13 years before we got married, but we knew eachother and there weren't any surprises. We are in love with eachother and not in love with being in love. I felt that same lump in my throat and the same dull ache in the pit of my stomach when I read her email. I'll get over it and it won't damper my spirits for very long. Her mom was the same way. Had to be the first to do something and rub it in your face, and then act like nothing happened when it failed. I know that my baby will be loved and there is nothing that will change that. My husband and I are truely in love and that is all that matters.

Moving on to new things! I am going to take Tracey's idea about the closets and work on my own. We only have 1 closet in the whole house and it needs my attention very badly. I will work on that this weekend. I need to occupy myself with something or I will be going crazy during the next 2 weeks.

Now that I'm done preaching to the choir and rewriting my sob story, I will sign off for the day. Good luck to everyone.....lots of baby dust to all and let's get those BFP's coming!

Another one bites the dust!

I am officially in the 2WW again. Quite frankly it feels like I never left it! The 3 cycles I took off just seemed to fly by yet, here I am again, in the dreaded 2WW. This time I'm not going to obsess..yeah right! I already bought pregnancy tests and am prepared to use them. I'm not going to right away, though. I ususally find myself using them 7dpo, and that just isn't healthy. I am going to wait and use them around the 20th. Hopefully I can make it that long!

The IUI went really well. We had 7 mature follies and a sprem count of 6.3 million. The part that gets me is the 7 FOLLIES! Holy crap! I know that they won't all take, or sure hope that they won't, but still. The most I had before was 4, which was good, but that was before I had my endo and the big cyst taken out. I can't seem to shake the triplet feeling I have. I just feel like I'm going to have 3 babies at once. I don't know why I feel that way, I just do. I feel bad for Ryan because I know I'm one of those ladies who is going to want to be preggers again, even if I have 2 or 3 at once. I keep telling him that, but I don't think he believes me. Anywho, can't worry about that now. Only time will tell.

I have so much I should be doing right now, it isn't even funny! I should get going. Hopefully in 4 weeks, when I have my u/s, I will look back at this and laugh because I will only have 1 bean. I couldn't walk away from this without at least one, right?

Happy New Year!

Yeah! We have entered the year of the baby.....I just know it. I am so very excited to say that I started my period on Saturday. I was told that my period could arrive up to 6 weeks late because of the lap. I didn't want that. I wanted to get started on the right foot this new year. We are preparing for iui #7. I'm cleaned out, endo and cyst free, and well on my way to making a baby! I'm not too sure that Ryan is as excited as I am, but I think that once we are preggers, he will be fine.

We start the shots tonight again.....ouch! I better make sure I know where the alcohol pads are and that my shot is ready to go. He is so good at giving me shots. I think that a small part of him actually enjoys it a little too much. I'm just glad he will do it....I can't give myself a shot.

I have to go and get ready. My family is coming over to celebrate Christmas. My sister got the flu before christmas and Ryan and dad got it after christmas. That really put the holiday on hold. I'm interested to see what my family got me...everything was so secretive this year. Next year the only gift they will be getting from us is a new baby. Won't that be a cool gift to give (and a nice tax deduction too)!