The old hag came yesterday!

I can't believe it. Nothing like eatting crow. I thought for sure I was pregnant. I had done everything right, and was all cleaned out and ready to go. I guess it wasn't my time. I wish that I could look ahead 2 years and see where I would be. February marks the 2 year mark for Ryan and I on our baby journey. I didn't think I would still be in the ttc process. I have been told that I will get there someday. Is that supposed to help calm my nerves, that someday I will get there? I just wish I knew which day and where I would be. I am back to my crummy attitude and can't shake the why me's again. This just sucks! I don't know what to say and I don't know what to do. We decided to take this cycle off and pick up again next cycle, God willing. My husband, who I love and adore, refuses to spend anymore money right now. He doesn't think that my clock is ticking and that we are getting old. Little does he know, but someday I will run out of eggs and then it will be too late. Then what? I'm glad that we don't both feel the rush to get pregnant. That wouldn't be good, but it wouldn't kill him to show me a little compassion when he knows I'm at my worst. I guess he just expects that I will work things out in my own head and not need to work things through out loud. That gets old.....I can only do so much on my own. I'm such a downer these days that I don't even want to spend time with myself, so how in the world would I expect him to spend time with me either? I was really hoping that these days would be behind me and that I could move on to bigger and better things, but I guess there are different plans for me. Instead I'm being punished or tortured for something....or at least that is what it feels like. To top it all off, I have 5 baby gifts to buy. Nothing like adding fuel to the fire, huh!