Sorry.....I've been MIA....

As you can probably guess, it turns out I'm not pregnant afterall. I was so sure that I was pregnant, you can only imagine what the heartache was like for me. So, where does that leave me now? Good question, as I am really not sure. We are offically on a break right now. I can't keep going like this. Financially and emotionally, it has to stop for awhile. Ryan won't do IVF. He feels like we would be playing God if we did. I don't want to argue with him right now, because it isn't something that we have to decide right away. I think that we play God everyday. When we go on antibiodics for an infection, when we go on medicine for our blood pressure, choloresterol, etc. but I don't want to argue with him right now, so I just don't bring it up. I'm tired of the why me's and seeing everything on tv having to deal with pregnancy or having a family. I don't want to cry anymore and feel bad for myself. So I'm just going to love my husband and hope for the chance to be a mom someday. I can't control my destiny, so I'm going to enjoy the life I have. Anywho...I got a terrible cold. I ended up going home from work yesterday and slept the morning away.....I slept through Racheal Ray, Martha Stuart, the news, young and the restless and bold and the beautiful which is when Ryan called me. In real talk that is from 10:00 until 2:00 and then slept all night. I feel better this morning. I just can't shake this stupid cough I have. It is the kind that sounds like your ribs are rattling. My throat hurts from all the coughing. I hope that everyone is doing better than I am. Once I can shake this cough, I'll be good as new. Spring is coming and my tulips are coming up and life will go on.